LYRIC DUMP

(updated regularly)

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when pain is real, you cannot run
you can cover, but come undone
and love might go, but is not gone
i still know you, i still know you
when love is real, you cannot sit
you can hover, but never quit
and carry on, as you were
i still feel you, i still feel you
///
it's not you, it's me, why i keep coming around
///
when you believe in things you don't understand
then you suffer
///
i think your flesh is separated from the sins it commits
and that explains why you smile
when you balance on your stack of regrets
///
you're the phantom and i'm the fan
///lol
and they all tear me apart
they never gave me a chance
it's an answer to the question
it's planned, obsolescent to fact
///
i am a cracked machine
i am a guide wire hussy
i am your favorite dj
a blip on the screen
i am a cracked machine
i am a hotshot robot
short my position, i guarantee 
you cannot get to me
///
mercy
are the licks and the lips of temptation just tricks, not for playing
mercy
are you the camera suck gun slut to headphone fuck holes in my being
mercy
are you everything which put the sex into bitch or just faking
do you fake it?
///
creating pointless fantasy
the  simple mania of no responsibility 
either way i stay the same, i never change
///
the falling, the falling, the tripping over myself
leaving my shoes untied
being the purpose of my own demise
///
lighter and a safety pin
light the end
burn the skin
i’ll stick to you forever
‘cause this scar i think is permanent
///
heaven
have mercy on the hypnic jerk
you blamed for your speech
///
promise when you’re grown
you will never be like them
i understood
they never would
i see the world, no one else sees it for me
i understood
they never would
i see the truth, and i’m sorry to say that
i understood
they never would
i hear your words but i don’t think they're for me
i understood
they never would
///
blanket of silence makes me want to sink my teeth in deep
burn all the evidence
a fabricated disbelief
pull back the curtains
take a look into your eyes
my tongue has now become a platform for your lies
///
you are everything 
my most demanding dream
good heart
and desire to please
i want
a fatal disease
///
i am almost completely soulless 
i am incapable of being human
i am incapable of being inhuman
i am living uncontrollably 
it should be called anti depression
as a friend of mine suggested
because it’s not the sadness that hurts you, it’s the brain’s reaction against it
it’s not enough to love the unreal
i am inseparable from the impossible
i want gravity to stop for me
my soul yearns for a fugitive from the laws of nature
///
i guess that’s just me, honey
i guess that’s how i’m built
i try to tell you i love you
and it comes out all sick
i guess that’s just me, honey
i guess that’s how i’m built
i try to write you a love song
but it comes out a lament
///
Февраль, достать чернил и плакать
Писать о феврале навзрыд
Пока грохочущая слякоть
Весною чёрною горит
///
how can you see me? 
i'm not even here 
i'm just a singular gesture 
i'm just the girlfriend of the year
i'm just a brain with a pet body 
i'm just a feeling in the room 
i'm just a finger on a trigger 
on a friday afternoon
how can you hear me? 
i don't make a sound 
i'm just a chemical reaction 
i'm just a taste in your mouth
i'm just a brain with a pet body 
out for a walk until I croak 
i'm just an ordinary subject 
in an ordinary book
///
don't take it for granted
love when you have it
you might be looking over
a lonelier shoulder
remember when we said
we'd never have children
i'm holdin' your baby
now that we're older
how time has revealed how
little we know us
i've been too busy
i should've noticed
days that keep slipping
a life that I'm missing
i wish it were true love
i wish we were kissing
show me a love that
won't ever leave or
look for another
one to deceive
i'm beginning to wonder
if anything's real
guess we're just at the mercy
of the way that we feel
alive with a past
no other can share
alone with a heart
no other can bear
so give me some heaven
just for a while
make me eternal
there in your smile
///
i wish that i could break and bend like the world does
i’d fall to the bottom
and i’d chase all my dreams away
and i’d let you crush me
my dreams would be constantly melting away
///
and the edge of the world makes it seem
that everyone gone is still singing the same song 
and i can believe in these things
that everyone’s singing along
the good and the bad and the gone
///
my pretty mouth will frame the phrases that will disprove your faith in man
///
this is love
this is lost on you
///
i learned that hunger is a symptom of adopting bad behavior
i bit my tongue last night
woke up with blood on my pillow
i woke up thirsty
///
i was referring to the present in past tense
it was the only way that i could survive it
i want to close my head in the car door
i want to sing this song like i’m dying
///
binging on the latest sitcom
feeling guilty every second it’s on
i want to put my foot through a window (i document my mind loss) 
i want to romanticize my headfuck (through instruments of wordplay) 
///
make room please
it feels like i am floating
far
from myself
nostalgic for memories i haven’t had
i can’t put my finger on it
///
i am not the type of man who can fall asleep in someone else’s arms
///
couldn’t really love you anymore
you’ve become my ceiling
i don’t think i love you anymore
that gold mine changed you
you don’t have to hold me anymore
our cave’s collapsing
i don’t wanna be me anymore
my old man told me
“you don’t open your eyes for a while, you just breathe that moment down”
///
here’s another speech you wish i’d swallow
another cue for you to fold your ears
another train of thought too hard to follow
chugging along to the song that belongs to the shifting of gears
please, forgive me for my distance
the pain is evident in my existence 
please, forgive me for my distance 
the shame is manifest in my resistance 
to your love
/// 
im living on shattered faith 
the kind that likes to restrict your breath
///
what kind of woman would make her fortress out of straw
filled with fancy decorations and a matching open bar?
she grabs you by the hand and begs you 
“won’t you come and stay?”
then she lays the fuse and lights it and blows it all away
black suits are motives, black soot and votives
fresh meat for market
flies and all the insects going over there
///
i lull my insides to sleep
to keep
up my head
///
all the pleasure points attacking
all the looks of love were staged
and it's a lie that you've been given
that just hurts you every day
so why should i lay here naked
when it's just too far away
from anything we could call loving
any love worth living for
so I'll sleep out in the gutter 
you can sleep here on the floor
///
open up your insides show us
your inner most lecherous
i'll rip it out carefully
i promise you won't feel a thing
everybody wants to have their say
forever waiting for some car crash
///
i rationalize my shaking feet and legs as a constant rhythm flowing through my body, 
but that doesn't explain my tight neck or oily pores on my back. 
my spine is clearly pleading for release. 
no, it's definitely not just a song.
it's a beat and it's racing past your pad, through your pad, at light speed, 
rendering everything in its path obsolete. 
so cut the cord that strangles your head, and feed me bread. 
let me legs shake me to sleep and don't wake me when i sweat on my sheets
///
i’m not in love
so don’t forget it
it’s just a silly phase i’m going through
///
graves don’t talk
and souls don’t speak in tongues
and the dead sea sank
with all the ancient ones
///
communicating through metaphors
speaking backwards in tongues
///
my disordered road always led straight back into you
///
i don’t call your name without a good reason, lord
///
you black out when you talk too much
to keep touch with what once was
///
guess i’ll put on the stupidest mask that i own
guess i haven’t shown you my true idiot face
and you can see it if you really want to
guess i just kinda hate myself in that way
///
and i am
who i believe to be
your disease
fall into me
so i am
what i believe to be
your disease
///
deep inside this hole
i will offer you my soul
waiting, hoping with each breath
that you will leave it in my chest
///
i feel the guilt that the privileged defy
i am one and the same, can't deny
how extreme the strength of my words
can be, should i voice the unheard?
///
stare into my eyes
i’ll show you who I am inside
it's simple i'm certain from behind the curtain
it's in your hands this time
///
i want to believe there's a reason to breathe
but i can't unsee it
let me crawl into your stomach
let me sleep inside your soul
let me bathe within your water
let me burn upon your sun
pretend to be the only one
lay your head down
stay at rest
never, ever, ever
let me down again
///
can you hear us, destiny? 
outside your door 
with my nail marks in the floor
please open up 
tell me when to be this scared
and when to just give it up
and i know i never should’ve doubted fear
but we can play pretend and call it love
///
i only want to follow behind you
then i can be all that i want to
then i can be all that i have to
i only want to mimic all your moves
then i can be all that i want to
then i can be all that i have to be
i’ve never been so cold
but there’s room to grow
across the yard children play
as i dig my grave
///
i am a victim of my own desire
///
i'm amorous but out of reach
a still life drawing of a peach
i'm a tulip in a cup
i stand no chance of growing up
i've made my peace i'm dead, i'm done
i watched you live to have my fun
i root for you, i love you
you, you, you, you
i root for you, i love you
you, you, you, you
i made it to a dinner date
my teardrops seasoned every plate
i tried to dance but lost my nerve
i cramped up in the learning curve
i'm a tulip in a cup
i stand no chance of growing up
i'm resigned to sail on through
in the wake of tales of you
///
to better you, to better me
my bitter half has bitten me
it's better than you, it's better than me
i'm sleeping with my enemy
myself
///
what happened to that chubby little kid
who smiled so much and loved the beach boys?
what happened is i killed that fucker
and i took his name, and i got new glasses
///
you made the rules and played it wrong
but i just do what i'm told so it's my fault
///
they say it fades
if you let it
love was made
to forget it
i carved your name
across my eyelids
you pray for rain
i pray for blindness
if you still want me, please forgive me
the crown of love has fallen from me
if you still want me, please forgive me
because the spark is not within me
///
i tell you how i feel but you don't care
i say tell me the truth but you don't dare
you say love is a hell you cannot bear
and i say give me mine back and then go there for all I care
///
i wanna be calm like the soft
summer rain on your back
like the fall of your shoulders
but everything just brings me back down
to the cold hard ground
and it keeps getting colder
it's a feeling that boils in my brain
i would dial back the flame
but i'm not sure i'm able
i'm wobbling out on the wire
and the lights could go out
with the break of a cable
things feel that low sometimes
even when everything is fine
hey, i've been falling apart these days
split open, watching my heart go round and around
round and around
circle the drain
i'm going down
i'm trying to seem strong for my love
for my family and friends
but i'm so tired of faking
'cause i'm chained to my bed when they're gone
watching tv alone
'til my body starts aching
and i think there's a mold in my brain
spreading down all the way
through my heart and my body
'cause i cling to the dark of my room
and the days thin me out
or just burn me straight through
///
my love wrecked you
you packed to twirl your skirt at the palace
it hurt more than it ought to hurt
i went to work to cultivate a callus
and now i'm hard, too hard to know
i don't cry when i'm sad anymore, no no
tears calcify in my tummy
fears coincide with the tow
how can i ask anyone to love me
when all i do is beg to be left alone?
///
come around, run away now
cry again, another day, no sound
i spend these moments in my chest
to pass the fade of sentiment
stress is pursuing the flesh you owe
still can't find new ways to cope
impulsive consuming the time you owe
still can't find new ways to cope
come around, go away now
try again, another day somehow
i spend these moments on cheap new fixations
never got the chance to write you when
stress is pursuing the flesh you owe
still can't find new ways to cope
impulsive consuming the time you owe
still can't find new ways to cope
now life is living you
/// 
oh my lord, we really did it now
i’m a monster 
and you’re my sacred cow
///
how can anybody have you?
how can anybody have you and lose you?
how can anybody have you and lose you
and not lose their minds, too?
///
「愛するひとは貴方あなただけ」是これがたつたたった一時いっときの真実まことで痛くもない
///
此処ここでも　矢張やはり　同様に　御顔色を窺ひうかがいつ
さあだうぞどうぞ　唯ただ恍惚こうこつと心中を　御顔色を窺ひうかがいつ
///
stars fading, but i linger on, dear
still craving your kiss
i’m longing to linger till dawn, dear
just saying this
sweet dreams till sunbeams find you sweet dreams that leave all worries behind you
but in your dreams, whatever they be
dream a little dream of me
///
i
i believed
memory might mirror no reflections on me
i
i believed 
that in forgetting i might set myself free
but i woke up this morning with a piece of past caught in my throat
and then i choked
i
i bled
i tried to hide the heart from the head
and i
i said i bled 
in the arms of a girl i'd barely met
but i woke up this morning with the present in splinters on the ground
and then i drowned
and if i can't see, it's for want of you
///
they’ll hurt me bad, but i won’t mind
they’ll hurt me bad, they do it all the time
///
let’s not forget ourselves, good friend
i am flawed if i’m not free
///